


Mistletoe

by padfootagain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 13:55:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16955331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfootagain/pseuds/padfootagain
Summary: After breaking up with you, Sirius might finally realize that he may have been wrong to leave you.





	Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of an event on tumblr.  
> This was asked for Sirius and the prompts are :  
> 4\. “I wish there was a way to repair what I’ve broken.”  
> 11\. “I still love you.”  
> 13\. “I’m not good enough for you.”  
> 54\. “Just hold my hand, and we’ll overcome this together.”  
> I’m sorry, I just love the insecure and tortured part of Sirius… Hope you like it!

Sirius stared at you as you walked into the room. He stared at your deep blue dress that fitted your body perfectly, embracing your curves. He stared at your eyes, these eyes he loved beyond measure. He stared at you as you walked through the Potters’ living room, heading towards Lily, Marlene and Alice, the three Gryffindor girls already smiling at you. He stared as you picked up some champagne before joining your friends. He studied the way your lips curled up into a smile, how your fingers held the crystal glass, how your long eyelashes traced the outlines of your eyes under the candlelight.

He missed you. Merlin, he missed everything about you. The way you used to look at him with loving eyes, the way you held his hand in Hogwarts corridors, the sound of your laugh, how you fell asleep in his arms before the fireplace in the Common Room…

He missed you, but knew it was better for you to stay away from him. And he loved you enough to let you go.

He had realized he wasn’t good enough for you after your last fight. When he made you cry and some other guy had come to comfort you. When he was unable to make you calm down but some stranger coming out of the blue did. When he realized you were in pain because of him.

He had had a conversation with Remus the next day. The werewolf was hesitating to ask a girl on a date to Hogsmeade. And Remus had started to talk about the fact that he had no idea what his future would be, that he was poor, that he was dangerous, that he wasn’t good enough…

Remus’s words were echoing so much with how Sirius felt about you, it was actually painful.

So he had broken up with you. He thought it was the best he could do for you. Free you to offer you a brighter future than the one he was destined to lead. But now his life was so miserable… he was wondering if he had taken the right decision after all.

Because every time he saw you his heart stopped, and he longed to hear your voice every morning as soon as he woke up, and you still walked into his dreams at night…

And perhaps he wasn’t strong enough to live without you.

Peter and James kept on telling him that it was just because it was too soon. He was not over you yet, but his heart would heal eventually. After all, three weeks were a very short time to forget the one he loved. But Remus never joined in the conversation. He never said anything, and Sirius knew why. And he was afraid the werewolf was right. After all, Remus had always said that you and Sirius were meant for each other.

You turned towards him. Perhaps you had felt his stare upon you, he didn’t know, but your eyes suddenly met his. And he lost soul into these two orbs once more.

But it only lasted a few seconds before you looked down at your glass again, your cheeks burning, fleeing his grey eyes, and Sirius looked down at his feet as well.

He felt so sad all of a sudden. It was like there was something missing in his chest, a void at the place where his heart should have been. And this feeling of emptiness that pierced his whole being was so painful…

Suddenly, an arm was flung on his shoulders, and he looked up at James.

“Cheer up, Pads!” the boy cried, already tipsy, his glasses lopsided on his nose. “It’s Christmas Eve!”

“I’m not in the mood, Prongs,” Sirius replied, shaking his head.

“I thought you liked Christmas?”

“I do. But I’m…”

Suddenly, James spotted you across the crowd. You were talking with your Gryffindor friends. James heaved a sigh, looking at his brother again.

“Pads…”

“Don’t say it.”

“You’ll get over it.”

Sirius clenched his jaw, feeling his blood boiling in his veins already.

“I know.”

“It’s just a girl.”

“That’s not what you say about Evans though.”

James glowered at him.

“Leave her out of this,” he said, his voice colder now.

“Then stop acting as if I was overreacting,” Sirius replied. “Stop telling me that I’ll be fine. I know I won’t be.”

The two boys stared at each other for a moment, before Sirius would heave a sigh.

“Never mind, Prongs,” he mumbled, walking towards the door that led to the garden.

Your eyes followed him as he walked out of the house. It was snowing outside, but you didn’t think about the cold for a second. Your feet were carrying you towards the door without you even noticing your motion.

You were tired of all this. You didn’t know what had gotten into him the night he had broken up with you, but it was clear that he wasn’t happier than you were now that you were separated. He looked just as miserable as you did. You had noticed the way he looked at you, as if he was hesitating to go and talk to you, as if… as if he regretted to have put an end to your relationship. You were sick of playing hide and seek. You were sick of acting as if you were not broken, when you were only screaming in silence.

You followed him outside. You saw him throwing his head back, closing his eyes, flinching at the feeling of the cold snowflakes colliding with his skin. He heaved a sigh.

“You’re gonna freeze out here.”

He turned towards you quickly, startled by the sound of your voice. He swallowed hard. It was the first time you were talking to him since… that night.

“You’re the one who’s going to turn into an ice cube,” he replied, looking at your dress.

He took off the jacket of his tuxedo, and through the warm cloth upon your shoulders.

“Thanks,” you breathed.

His hands lingered on your upper arms, and you didn’t shrug them away. The truth was, you wanted his hands there.

You looked sad. He could tell at the way your eyes were shining. Your expression was blank, but your eyes couldn’t lie.

And he knew you could read the same sadness in his gaze.

“Sirius… you…”

But your voice broke, and you kept staring at each other for a moment, both of you wrapped in silence while the snowflakes fell upon you.

_“I wish there was a way to repair what I’ve broken_ ,” Sirius said out of the blue.

You shrugged.

“You’re the one who left, remember?” you said.

But your voice was not bitter, nor cold. It was just sad.

Sirius looked down at the ground, remaining hidden behind a veil of silence.

“You never told me why you broke up with me, by the way,” you said softly.

He looked up at you again. Your two breaths were creating little clouds that collided and mingled between the two of you. You drowned in his grey eyes…

But he didn’t say a word.

“Sirius… I think… I think it would help me,” you said, struggling to let the words out. “It would help me to know what I did wrong.”

He closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“You did nothing wrong, Y/N,” he said softly.

“You wouldn’t have broken up with me if I had made you happy. I must have done something wrong.”

“You’re perfect,” Sirius replied, shaking his head again.

You nodded slowly, tears shining in your eyes.

“You just don’t love me, right?” you said.

“What are you talking about?” he frowned.

“I’m great but you just don’t have feelings for me.”

“No, no, no, no… you’re wrong. You’re so wrong…”

“It’s okay, I mean… No one can control the way they feel…”

“No, Y/N, you’re wrong. I… It’s not at all why I decided to stop seeing you.”

He flinched, an outburst of pain transpiring through his casual mask.

“I loved you,” he said, his grey eyes drenched with withheld tears now. _“I still love you.”_

You stared at him with so much incomprehension in your eyes…

“But then… why did you break up with me?” you asked. “If you love me… You know I love you too…”

He clenched his jaw, shrugging.

“Y/N…”

“I need to know why,” you insisted. “Because… because it hurts so much…”

His eyes were so afraid and sad all of a sudden.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he breathed.

“How did you think I would feel?”

He merely shrugged.

“Sirius…”

You heaved a sigh. You were tired. You were depressed. You missed him, you were not ashamed to show how much you missed him anymore.

“Are you happier without me?” you asked with a shaking voice.

He stared intensely at you, before shaking his head.

“Of course I’m not happy without you,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“I’m not happy either,” you said.

He looked down at his shoes once more.

“I thought you would be happier without me,” he said.

You frowned hard.

“Why would you think that? I love you!”

_“I’m not good enough for you.”_

You rested your frozen hand upon his cold cheek and you forced him to look up at you.

“Why would you think that?” you asked, frowning hard.

“It’s a rather shitty world we live in,” he answered earnestly. “And I don’t have the best odds…”

“What?”

“I’m broke. I have no idea about what I’m gonna do after we leave school. I have no family. I have no… plan. And you should be with someone who will know how to take care of you. Because I don’t know how to do that… No one took care of me like you did before. I don’t know how you’re supposed to… make someone happy. You deserve someone who will know how to do that. You deserve someone with a future, someone more stable. Someone who will give you a better life than I could ever offer you. You deserve better than me, Y/N.”

You shook your head slowly, shocked. You couldn’t understand how he could think like this of himself.

“But… I was happy with you, Sirius,” you breathed. “You made me happy.”

He stared at you in silence. There was something innocent in his grey eyes, almost childish, as if he was trying to understand what your words truly meant.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” you said. “I love you, I’m happy with you.”

“That night… I couldn’t even comfort you,” he said. “But this guy did in three seconds…”

“I was just upset with you.”

“I don’t know how to do that. Comfort people.”

“You do it well though. I was just upset with you that night.”

“You could have much better than me,” he said, his voice firm now. “I know… I know I will never make you fully happy…”

“You’re so wrong. You can’t know this kind of things in my stead, Sirius.”

He stared at you, and slowly, you took his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers together.

“I miss you,” you said. “I was happy with you, and now I’m just miserable.”

He blinked.

“I thought…”

“Well, you’re a moron, it’s clearly not new,” you laughed.

He gave you small smile, taking your other hand in his.

“I miss you too, you know?” he said softly. “I feel like shit without you.”

“I hope so. Because I need you. So you’d better need me too.”

You exchanged a smile, but you could still see hesitation in his eyes.

“It’s just…” he went on, staring at you. “Remus thought he would be selfish if he was with the girl he likes, because he thinks she could have better than him and it made me realize… that it was selfish of me to be with you as well.”

“Of course it’s not,” you reassured him.

“Perhaps I didn’t think enough about all this,” he admitted.

“No, I bet you didn’t think at all,” you said. “But it’s okay. I know how impulsive you are sometimes.”

“I thought I was protecting you.”

“What would you have protected me from?” you asked, smiling reassuringly.

“Myself…”

He swallowed hard.

“I know I’m reckless. I know I don’t think enough about the consequences of most of the things I do. I thought… it was best for you.”

“I’m the only one to decide what is best for me,” you said. “And you are good for me.”

“Are you sure about that?”

You nodded, cupping his cheek, still holding one of his hands in yours.

“I don’t want us to stay like that…” you breathed. “Sirius…”

“I’m not sure…”

You tightened your hold on his hand.

_“Just hold my hand, and we’ll overcome this together,_ ” you breathed.

He smiled.

“You really have a way to convince me to do anything you want, right?” he said, and this time his smile reached his eyes.

“That’s my secret power,” you said, grinning.

He wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. And being in his arms again felt like coming home.

Sirius’s smile turned into a grin.

“What?” you asked as the space between your faces slowly shrank.

“You’re covered with snow,” he said. “And you’re just… breathtaking.”

You blushed fiercely.

“Aren’t you cold in just your shirt?” you asked, noticing that you still had his jacket on your shoulders.

“I’m fine,” he said, brushing his nose against yours.

But then you felt like there was something above your head. Like a presence that wasn’t there before. So you looked up… and exploded with laughter, Sirius’s bark-like laugh soon joining yours.

It was a branch of mistletoe…

You both turned towards the door of the house to see two very proud Gryffindor boys standing on the threshold

“Please, don’t stop because of us,” James said, winking at his best friend. “Moony just thought that you would need something a bit more romantic.”

“Well, after acting like a moron, Padfoot _does_ need to make amend,” Remus explained, defended himself, and he winked at you.

“So… go on, carry on!” James insisted.

You laughed again at the two silly boys, before Sirius would rest his hand on your cheek, making you look at him again.

“What do you say?” he asked, a crooked smile on his face. “After all, it’s tradition to kiss under mistletoe.”

“I may let myself be convinced,” you replied, getting on your tiptoes already.

He laughed, brushing his nose against yours again.

“Forgive me,” he breathed.

“You’re already forgiven,” you smiled. “But a kiss could definitely help… you know… make sure there are no harsh feelings left between us.”

“To make sure I’ve made amend the right way?”

“Exactly.”

He smirked.

“I may let myself be convinced.”

And before you could reply, he was pressing his lips to yours. You heard the applause and the catcalls coming from James and Remus, but you chose to ignore them, and you just joined Sirius as he smiled into the kiss at the sound of his crazy friends.

You remained there for a long while, as he kissed you tenderly under the falling snowflakes and the floating branch of mistletoe.


End file.
